So that's new...*not uplifting in the slightest*

I am ill.

But I am not ill, ill...I had promised myself that I would push through all of this and that I would NOT succumb to days off. My body had other ideas. Come 4 o'clock this morning it had had enough. I woke up feeling sick and tired and generally ergh...and I haven't stopped feeling it. So I had to take the day off and I am now annoyed. More so because it looks like I might not feel better by tomorrow...but I don't want to have more time off.

It's not that I have a horrible boss or anything it's just that it is harder to carry on through this if I'm not busy. If I am alone with myself I think. And I don't want to think.

But God does want me to think I suppose. Or my body has just reached the end of it's tether (to quote Sunday's service). So back to the old favourite...let stuff go and move into pain and through it, OR... hold on to it all and be sick and stay put.

I realise that this seems like a no-brainer...and on a cognitive level it is, but on a heart level it isn't. I feel like I'm falling apart right now and I haven't even ventured to that place...

I know the message I continually hear is 'Trust God' and I want to but I don't really feel like I am in that place at the moment - really I want to run away from it all...but how can you run from yourself?

I know, I know, I am sick of listening to myself too