I'm a little flummoxed...

So, I thought I better tell someone at work that I am struggling a bit - not the detail just that I am a little out to sea with everything...

Bad move.

The person asked why I have to deal with any of it at all, and instead of letting it rule over me I should just put it back in its little box and esentially ignore it. They said that keeping on top of it is a good thing. They also said I had been doing well with it all and that it hadn't reared it's head for nearly five years...if only they knew.
They also said that it was silly not to tell anyone close to me and that I should see a professional rather than Church friends.

I know that this person has my best interests at heart and meant well but our conversation has added to the confusion...

Firstly, am I being silly pushing forward in this stuff? They asked 'Why do you have to deal with it now?' and I was at a loss to explain that I would rather not, if I had a choice I would do anything other than all of this but my mind, body and God have different ideas. Also, ignoring it does not make it go away, it just makes it that bit harder the next time it raises its head. Although the thought of not having my head in a confused buzz of broken heartedness is lovely...

Secondly, I found myself a little agrieved with this person...they represent the voice in my head that is continually there - the temptation of taking the 'easy' road to oblivion - of giving up.

It has been a tough week...I feel under attack and the conversation today is an illustration of this. I have been ill, twitching again and dealing with the vilest of voices questioning everything. My head is so full of argument and hate and I am reaching the pinnacle of what I feel I can deal with. It is constant.

Father, help me
Help me to push through
Help me to keep going
Help me to set my eyes on You
Amen