Coincidence?? I'm not so sure...

If you have not yet grasped this fact...I'm very much consumed with the idea of grace and forgiveness at the moment, mainly because i have a lot of forgiving to do and also because I now have an understanding of grace and so feel compelled to try and live life in God's grace (which I think I might be failing to do at present...more on that later). Anyhoo, bearing this in mind, I rocked up to Church this morning only to find out that the sermon was on Grace and, in part, it link with forgiveness (!!). I'm not sure if this is true for any other believer - please let me know if it is - but since I have actively tried to put my life into God's hands I have recieved coincidence after coincidence...until it's become a little freaky.

The service was good, I think it's exactly what i needed to hear today because once again I am struggling with unforgiveness and bitterness. I have found that understanding Grace is not enough - we have to live it and in order to live it we have to constantly remind ourselves of God's grace. This is an impossible feat if we do not realise that we cannot do it without God, without asking for His help, without praying for guidance and without surrendering our need to control our own lives to Him.

When I struggle with the thought of Grace it's not the idea that it is freely given to all that I stumble on the most, it's the idea that it is freely given to ME. My biggest hurdle to faith was and still is in part my own lack of self worth that manifests itself in my inability to accept that God would want to save me. I know that He can, but the doubts in my head and the voices from the past constantly ask me 'Why would God want to save you? What's so special about you? Do you think you deserve it?' The reality of it is that no one deserves Grace, it is God's gift. It doesn't make me special to recieve it, it doesn't make me better than the unbeliever that has no idea about Grace, it simply makes me want to share the joy with others in any way I can.

As a simpleminded person, I find it easier to understand complex concepts via things like music, so in an attempt to show you how my mind works, when I need reminding of what grace means I listen to this, hope you like it :) :