Challenge from unlikely sources...

On a tuesday I 'help' at an Alpha Course, I help in the group discussion after the talk although generally, this involves me sitting and listening and interjecting occasionally..

Anyhoo, it was in this group, last night, that I met a challenge from one of the guests. This particular guest was saying that they felt they were carrying a huge bag of stuff (experiences, guilt etc) and that to get rid of it they feel they need to speak it out to another person. This led to another member saying that when they became a Christian they didn't move on in their faith and healing until they listed all the things that they felt they needed to be forgiven for, and needed to forgive others for. They said that once they had labelled them and owned up to them through physically naming them, they were lifted from the bondage of them.

There is the challenge - I felt that God was speaking to me through these people, that He was laying out the path that I need to take in order to get past the brick wall I am presently behind on my journey.

I've been praying that God might help me to know what to do to move on and to begin healing from particular things in my life. Asking that He offers me a way to Him, and here it is......now I have to actually do something about it. I can procrastinate all I want, I know in my heart that this is the way that I need to go to heal - to talk about it, to tell someone (I wouldn't do it unless I was face to face with someone - I'd just keep putting it off if it was just me and God - although I am aware that He already knows and doesn't NEED me to tell Him but realises that I NEED to tell Him). What I also realise is that when I start, I need to tell everything, not the censored version but the 18 version. The one with all the rubbish, all the thoughts, all the feelings, all the words of hate in my heart planted there by others. It won't be pretty but I feel that God is telling me that it needs to be done.

So now begins the battle with myself to let it go.