Hard Times...

In the tradition of being totally truthful on my blog, if not in real life, I feel that I need to explain something to release it from my head.

Further to my previous blogs on 'voices' there is one statement that I am constantly hearing in my head...at the most inopportune times (driving, teaching, falling to sleep) and it is the statement 'I have had enough of life'. Now this statement makes me a little apprehensive for two reasons...

The first is that it can occur at any time and more to the point, when I am feeling alright. I can be plodding along and I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness and the feeling that I have just had enough. I am not suicidal and would never consider that as an action but it is really overwhelming at times and has made me catch my breath with the intensity of it.

The second reason is that the statement is often accompanied with images that I would rather forget and it takes me away from the reality in which I am and takes me to the past where I am bound. It scares me that I am able to be so out of control with my mind and so governed by something else. I feel like my body is being taken over again and for this reason I feel like I am ceasing to exist.

Apologies for the depressing nature of this post...but sometimes the truth is depressing. I will have to hand it all to God.