My goal....................eventually......................

' Rejoice always!
Pray constantly.
Give thanks in everything,
for this is God's will for you
in Christ Jesus.
Don't stifle the Spirit.
Don't despise prophecies,
but test all things.
Hold on to what is good.
Stay away from every form of evil.'
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-22)

I think that these verses sum up for me, at this moment in time, all that I am striving for, all that I want. As a new believer I have found many aspects of Christianity have been counter to my previous life. Things such as praying and reading the Bible have been harder to include in my life (often I cite being busy as an excuse). I think this is partly because it is different from before but also because I am not as trusting as I would like to be. By that I mean that I have asked God to be Lord of my life and at times He is but more often than not my old fears come back and force me to take a hold of the steering wheel again. Thus, I do not need to pray or read God's words because I am in control and I obviously know better (!!)

I have spoken previously on feeling prodded by God more and more in recent days, and whereas I am aware of this and thankful that God has heard my prayers for guidance, it appears to be having a negative effect on my attitude to God. The more that I am prodded, the more I am forced to consider a path that I would rather not take, in short, one I am scared to take. My reaction therefore has been to pay lip service to the ideas put forward by others in ways that I might be helped down the road less traveled and then in my heart to dismiss the ideas. I was not really aware that I was doing this until the words above spoke to my very core. They put down in print what I REALLY want, what I believe to be the life God wants for me.

If this really is the case then I need to do something about it. The line that spoke to me the most in light of yesterday's events was 'Don't stifle the Spirit'. I have accepted that there is a God, I believe that God's son Jesus died for me on the Cross and yet up until now I haven't given much airtime to the third person of the Trinity. I have only accepted two thirds of God. When I prayed my commitment I included the Holy Spirit and asked Him to come into my life but haven't actually realised what the Holy Spirit is and how much I need to know the Holy Spirit so that I am able to start the journey down THE road.

So my short term aim is to get to know the Holy Spirit, to ask for Him to come into my life and help me, in my decisions, with my conduct and with the strength to take the first step on the next part of my journey. I know that this will be the most painful part, I know that i will want to turn back, maybe twenty times a day but if I accept and truly trust the Holy Spirit to guide me, I cannot have a stronger ally by my side fighting the evil I will be standing up to.