I couldn't find Jesus...

I was at a different Church yesterday for a special occasion - a Christening, where I had the great honour of being one of the Godparents. It was a lovely day and I really enjoyed myself...but that isn't what my post is about.

As the title suggests, somewhere along the line I couldn't find Jesus, He wasn't lost to me because He resides in me but I wasn't able to connect during the service...let me explain.

I have been to Christenings and Dedications before, pre and post Christianity. I am now of the opinion that I prefer dedications because they are a promise to God and the child and not a promise on behalf of a child (I won't go into this at the moment but suffice to say that if I have children then they will have a dedication). At previous Christenings I have thought that it was a nice service and felt that pang that I wanted some of this 'religion' but left the Church and not really considered it again and yesterday I realised why this had happened. It was because I hadn't experienced or met with Jesus at these Churches. I had gone through the motions and said all the right things and felt secretly proud of myself for remembering the Lord's Prayer without looking at the words but that's it. No connection to the essence of the service.

The service was nice (an awful word but it encapsulates the feeling of the service for me) but it wasn't electrifying or encouraging. This is not in any way a reflection on the vicar as I am sure that for other people the service was what they expected and felt comfortable with. (That sounds sarcastic and I really don't mean it that way - sometimes written word is not the best media for explaining feelings! I just mean that different people worship in different ways)
Whether it was received well by people or not is not the issue I have, my issue is the lack of emphasis on experience and understanding of God. I felt that it was all lip service, it was explanation and liturgy that was delivered in a monochrome way. There was no real room left for people to praise God and most importantly there was no explanation. We were told that candles were being lit to show that Jesus was 'the light of the world' but no mention was made of WHY He deserves this title, or how that directly affects the child being brought to Him, or the congregation, or how Jesus could light up so many of the people's lives in the Church if they accepted Him. It was merely a passing comment, this is what you should believe because it's right...where is the evidence?? (I would say that in our party...it was a double Christening with another child...95-98% were unbelievers...why then they came to a Christening or indeed had the child christened, and why I agreed to be the Godmother when I know it wasn't done from faith is another subject(s), probably for a later blog...what a missed chance to bring God to them). I'm not saying that there has to be a sermon and a sales pitch but at the same time I think the Church as a whole is doing a dis-service to people if they are not open enough to proclaim God's Grace. As Christians we are called to witness, to share the Gospel with everyone because it is FOR everyone, never more so than when you are in Church. The sad thing is that I was at the same Church for the Christening of an elder sibling two years ago. Part of me feels cheated that I didn't at least get to glimpse God then because I might have found Him earlier. It isn't a regret, it is more of a hope, that when people enter a Church for whatever reason, they have a chance to encounter Jesus, not just to read from a script and go through the motions because 'that's what you do' then leave and not return until the next Christening, Wedding or Funeral.
The lack of enthusiasm for God that I saw yesterday reminded me why I couldn't connect with Church before and also left me a little concerned that if this is the image that the Church is portraying, then we have little hope of bringing God to people.

I have rambled but based on yesterday I have come to two (surprising) conclusions:

1) Even though I often feel like a newcomer in my Church in repects to the relaxed way we worship and conduct services, I am an Evangelical Christian through and through. I wholeheartedly believe that God is immanent and can be experienced, that He is personal and wants a RELATIONSHIP with His creation, not to be feared and revered from a far but to be in every breath of a person's life.

2) I'm turning into an Evangelist. I want others to know Jesus...I don't mean that I am going to ram it down people's throats but that I have a flame within me that wants to proclaim God's Grace and Glory and wants others to experience His love. So much so that when I am in a situation where that isn't happening, it makes me sad and a little mad. I am excited by the good news that I have recieved and feel that it is unfair of me to keep this to myself, and moreover, I am unable to. at times I feel God spilling out of every pore in my body and I want other people to have this wonderful gift.